I am writing this from a Culver City coffee shop with a cycling (and superhero?!) theme directly across from the SONY lot and Equinox. It is the first night of Passover. My family is at a Sedar on Long Island and my mom dialed me in for a hot second, which was long enough for me to make a joke.
Shana Tova! Oops, wrong holiday. Just kidding, I wanted to make sure you were all paying attention.
Why this makes me smile I don’t know. First holiday away jitters awkward joke.
It is too noisy and she doesn’t do FaceTime. We hang up and a few minutes later, a text:
Uncle Howard is raving about your Ode to NY! Where is it? He said your writing was beyond. Fantastic!
I have no idea what she’s talking abouuuuoohhhhhh, WAIT!
My Facebook post before I moved?!
Note: I moved to LA from New York nine days ago.
Ahh, yes. I wrote something on Facebook. I had not been engaging on Facebook nearly as much as I used to because Trump-Russia (and a host of other factors), so when I did post what I am about to share below, I was breaking a Facebook withholding pattern.
I also had not been writing — or “sharing” — or expressing myself anywhere in long form because Instagram (and a host of other factors) so it felt…different.
So does choosing to move across the country by myself. Definitely “different!”
Without further ado and in its unformatted original Facebook post glory:
Do you remember the episode of 'Friends' when Rachel suggests she and Ross go on a break? (Season 3, Episode 15, original air date 2/13/1997, thanks IMDB.) I love you, New York, and in this scenario you are the Ross to my Rachel. We need a break from each other and yes, it will be good for us both...What happens from now on is entirely informed by my four decades in this big, beautiful state, the last two of which I've spent in New York City. You made me into EVERYTHING I am today, a woman of whom I am SO proud, and for that I have nothing but the deepest gratitude. I found success, happiness, and love in the most surprising places. I was also challenged, leveled, and rocked to my core, decimated emotionally at times in my life, until I learned my only choice was to die or rise (and while you know I love drama, I am not partial to hyperbole, so you can trust that is a fact). Along the way, I strived so hard until I finally learned that life is not about what you achieve, despite the classic NYC "rat race" indoctrination that lures us all in, it is not about measuring up, competing or "winning." It is about finding out who you REALLY are, what and who you LOVE, defining your own excellence + success, discovering the specific way joy, magic and creativity work in you, through you, so who you are becomes what you give and how you spread your Light. My life in New York helped me learn where I belong and where I don't, what is for me and who or what to walk (and in some cases sprint) away from. I took all my chances here, until now. And yes, we can certainly talk about what New York itself has become another time -- my decision to leave is partially informed by some aspects of my home city I can no longer accept or choose to tolerate. So right now (on four hours of sleep bc of yesterday's goodbye festivities and 11th hour packing adventure) I am smiling at my memories, which is a beautiful balance to some of the harder times. And for everyone who considers themself a real New Yorker, I hope today you pause to appreciate that you are surviving in New York F'N CITY, which most would agree is the toughest place in the world. Also if you feel like you are hanging by a thread, please ask for help. Whenever I did, things got better. New Yorkers are like superheroes with invisible capes. Among many other things, I hope to spend the next 40 years of my life writing about the first 40. I've already started on the plane from where I am posting this update :) Until I see you again IRL, we'll have FB and Instagram (lindsaybdavis__). TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU + EACH OTHER!! Love and epic thanks to you all, LBD
Love that the superhero metaphor comes back to me while I write this now from SUPER DOMESTIC. Also love that I am breaking a five month REFLECTIONS post hiatus.
A lot has changed, a lot has “happened” in a life that does not resemble what it was when I last posted (Nov 2018). A lot has changed, a lot has happened in my life that does not resemble what it was five days ago.
I think out of necessity I will be writing more here even though I find the topic of writing (or more specifically, my relationship to my Writer) very upsetting. What has bothered me to no end is that I have not done more with the words I’ve written over the years, and then sat for additional YEARS on the stories inside me waiting to be told.
I let myself down.
So in my own special way, this post is about picking myself up and licking my wounds.
Thanks, Mom and Uncle Howard! :)
I only want to write EXACTLY what I need to write and let what flows out of me find someone who needs to hear my words.
These are not brand-building posts but if that changes I will let you know.
As far as how LA is going so far for this New Yorker, the answer is very well! I feel the relief of being out of NYC and welcome of a new land to see with fresh eyes. I appreciate the warmth (comparatively speaking, though it has been mostly in the high 60s since I got here). I appreciate the space. I appreciate how much sky I can see and I appreciate how the Pacific ocean feels like a horseshoe capable of pulling out my magnet filings of stress + worry whenever I walk along the coast. I am reuniting with old friends and making new ones.
I am getting what I need and feeling closer to Source energy that I have felt in months.
“For song, as taught by you, is not desire, not wooing of something finally attained. Song is existence.” ~Rilke