Yesterday was another day where I did show up to the page, but didn’t share. My commitment is to write and post, so I will attempt to do better as I see this self-directed 30-in-30 through!
I will definitely get back to writing in the morning because by now (10:45pm) I am tired and want to go to sleep.
How gloriously normal.
I’ve been doing a lot of normal things lately: shopping for my groceries; cooking instead of ordering in all the time; eating three meals a day; making my coffee at home; sleeping 7-8 hours most nights; going on dates; spending my energy and time on work that gives me life but doesn’t suck me dry; talking on the video phone with friends and family.
Making new friends.
A few times a week I jog to the ocean as the sun is setting. I remain awe struck each time. I have not been living under a rock my whole life. Rather, I have seen places, traveled, vacationed and worked in different cities, slept near the beach…but something about this Pacific ocean at sunset is like a religious experience. I feel completely drawn to and in by its energy. I hear the music in the crashing waves and see the artistry in the colors of not only sky but the mountains, which look different every time. While running I wonder why everyone else isn’t here to watch the sunset, too.
Soon I will be in New York to pick up Charlie and bring him to live with me in LA. I do not suffer from debilitating anxiety, but must admit this particular action is bringing up a lot of it. I am so scared he’s going to be upset on the plane and then upset to live with me again after acclimating to my parents’ house, where he’s been spending a lot of time over the last ten months.
I am scared my dog is mad at me and thinks I abandoned him. :(
I’ve been doing a form of repression where I don’t allow myself to feel it all, bc it would be too upsetting. So instead, I do my best to feel the longing, the tug, the sadness, the wondering if he’s OK, and keep telling myself this is temporary and soon I’ll have my baby back.